29 More Days!

So many people have asked me in the past few days how I am doing…how am I doing? I don’t even know. So many people have also asked, how is Africa? Where do I start? Do I start with saying it is good and I love being with my family, I love learning new things and being a part of an exciting adventure, I love learning a new language and finding out about Africa. I love that God has come so close to me and grown my heart in ways I could not imagine. That I have learned lessons that I could have only learned in Africa. Or do I start by saying this has been the hardest 4 months of my life. That it is devastating to see starving kids with bloated bellies and no shoes and a baby on their back unable to go to school because they are too poor. Do I say that there are devastating statistics like 2,000,000 orphans in Uganda alone, that’s almost the size of Phoenix. Do I tell of the corruption of the Ugandan government that all the Ugandans feel? Do I talk of the strive occurring in Congo that shows up on every newscast and the floods of refugees that are streaming into Uganda daily. Do I talk of the hundreds of child soldiers that have been abducted by the LRA just since I’ve been here? So many hard realities of this beautiful place that is called the Pearl of Africa.

I don’t even know how to talk about these things, I haven’t posted for a while because I don’t know what to say, the “Africa is a funny place” was a cop out to buy my more time because I am so confused. How does my heart face these realities that I see every single day? The hardest thing I have experienced while here is I don’t know how to deal with this experience and I don’t know how to process it. Yes I can talk with the other USP students but we are all in the same boat. We all have the same struggles. Yes I can pray and talk everything through with God, and I do. Yes I can read my Bible, David has been a great comfort, but how do I even begin to sort things out and help my heart not feel so clogged up? Almost every time my family or Chris call I end up in tears, I just want to feel safe and secure again. I want to feel loved and cared for. I want to be able to talk about these things with people who can offer insight and wisdom into something that has drastically changed me.

Another challenge, that relates, is that there is no sort of fellowship. Church is different and very mundane, not to offend anyone from the Anglican Church but it isn’t normal and I don’t feel “filled up.” Even chapel is very dry. They spend over 25 min doing announcements and then deliver health and wealth gospel message that usually leaves us pretty angry. I feel like I am constantly being emotionally drained from the rigors of daily life but never being built up.

I know this sounds like a lot of complaining. I promise Africa is a wonderful place. There are wonderful things I will tell you all about when I come home when I can show you pictures of the wonderful people and places, but life here is so hard. I’m really struggling right now with not wanting to leave my host family but wanting to feel secure, to know that I am deeply loved, wanted and valued.

On a very very big side note, my family has asked me to be the godparent of the new baby! So pray “it” comes before I leave, I really need to meet my godchild.

And last night I finally at the grasshopper, it tasted like a crispy French fry but I just couldn’t get past the fact that it was a grasshopper so I could only do one. My dad loves taking pictures when I try something new so there are pictures!

I only have 29 more days till I am home and 25 more days till I leave my family for debrief, please pray that I can feel a little less depressed and stressed so that I can fully engage and enjoy them for my last month. I love them so so much and don’t want to miss a minute with them! Also, as mentioned earlier in blogs and as you have probably heard, please be praying for the situation in the Congo, literally millions of people have come here and are in displacement camps. These camps give them a place to live but are a breeding ground for HIV/AIDS, disease, tension, starvation and other horrible things. Please pray for the conflict to end so these innocent victims can return home safely to their homes!